Interpretation

Translating (R) Speak, Part One

They say: I'm gravely concerned.
They mean: I don't give a shit.

They say: We're working for the American people.
They mean: We work for Don Covfefe. Fuck off, America.

They say: We have a plan.
They mean: We have no goddamn clue.

Donny Strunz works for Putin, and the GOP works for Strunz. Does anybody with a brain really believe that shitstorms created by Strunz in Ukraine and Syria are merely an odd coincidence?

Jargon update

For years I've used RWers to refer to right-wingers, because it's easier to type. After three years of hearing RWers refer to Democrats as Obama worshipers, I've decided to expand the use of "RWers" to designate "Romney Worshipers." The onset of Romney worship is very recent -- a month or two ago, most of the people who are dazzled by the awesomeness of his leadership NOW were much more captivated by bottom-feeders Perry, Bachmann, Cain, Gingrich, and Santorum.

In the interest of keystroke conservation, I'm also shortening the term Republican parasites to Republasites. "RW Republasite" will refer to a right-wing, Romney-worshiping Republican parasite.

Courtesy of applesauce

Pat Cunningham's blog, applesauce, already IS what Convolution would like to be. Concise, witty, and informative. This is one of the few blogs I try to check on fairly regularly, and posts like this one are the reason why. Recommended.

Health hazard

Circle jerk, AM radio version. Hannity takes a call from a listener in his North Texas affiliate market.

Caller: "Hey, buddy. You a great American, Sean."

Hannity: "You're a great American, my friend."

In terms of intellectual content, the conversation proceeds rapidly downhill from there. Based upon the limited evidence available, it appears the greatest health risks resulting from mutual masturbation are mental rather than physical.

By the way, it's now official. The Obama presidency has failed. It's over. My source for this breaking news is the Hannity radio production, which I heard while gathering health risk data.

Hey, bro. This one's for you...

Mrs. bee left on her long-planned Colorado trip this morning, and I'll have the place to myself for several days. I feel like an old, retired version of Tom Cruise in the movie Risky Business. Unlike Tom, I doubt if I'll get in any trouble, but I do plan to make a nice dent in that stack of R-rated DVDs I've been stockpiling. First on the list is There Will Be Blood, and I'll probably follow that with The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford. Before the week's over, I also need to see No Country For Old Men again. I'll try to fit in three movies per day. Anyway, I'm slightly giddy with anticipation, as they say, and in the mood for a little juvenile behavior.

My bro in Houston is the only person I know that I agree with on most things. He's also the only regular reader of the jailbee blogs and when I write, I try to keep in mind he may be reading. Yesterday we exchanged e-mails discussing the election and possible scenarios for the next four years, and somewhere in there he mentioned that he was waiting to see what moniker I would attach to Sarah Palin. Hell, I'd barely heard of her, and damned sure didn't know enough to give her a nickname.

But I thought about it and realized that around here, McCain has THREE nicknames: Ace, Top Gun, and Speedo. In the interest of gender equity, his ticketmate needs at least one. So, in a fit of Saturday morning juvenile behavior, here it is:

Sarah Palin = S.P. = beauty contest participant = SP = Sweet Pea = Pea, Mrs. Pea, etc. So Sweet Pea it shall be. Hope Pea does something about that hairdo. And bro, this one's for you.

TGFI

Title has nothing to do with Friday. Thank God for the internet. Without it, I'd never have known that Ace is wearing a pair of 520 dollar Italian loafers. With silver buckles. And I wouldn't be planning to start using the term "surgasm" which applies to conservatives for whom the troop surge in Iraq was better than really good sex.

A fellow blogger says hello

Some of the people who add comments to the horse manure in my original posts have blogs of their own. I always check 'em out, and some of them are damned fine. The post below somehow attracted the attention of How Insane Is John McCain? That's a blog that warrants a link, and is a really professional-looking product, unlike this chicken coop. The content may be surmised from the title. Btw: I like Obama too, but he and I have about the same chance of being elected president.

Introducing the new "Fertilizer Storage"

Out of boredom on Tuesday afternoon, I set up a new blog. I'm one of those personality types that are prone to addiction, which explains why I smoked for forty years, and have so much space in my house devoted to storing records and CDs. If you're bored too, here's where I am:

http://fertilizerstorage.blogspot.com/

The kind of stuff that's been going into sidebars on the serious blogs will now have a new home at the link above.

No fine meal is complete without wine---

and no blog for which I'm responsible is complete without an image of this nasty, inbred little bastard. He's the avatar for what the blogs are all about.

PS: In response to the comment on this post, I'll offer a few words of clarification. The image is a still shot from the movie "Deliverance" and I call this character the banjo boy, based on the fact he's a prodigy on the instrument despite obvious deficiencies in every other area, including dental hygiene. If you check the political posts regularly, you're aware that I usually refer to W as banjo boy, billy banjo, or some similar derivative. It may not be apparent to anyone else, but I find the physical resemblance between the banjo picker and the president uncanny. Particularly striking are the beady eyes and that feeble little grin revealing a malevolent, albeit fragmented, train of thought. Maybe he's considering going back to pick at that dead possum he saw in the road, or stealing a quarter from granny's purse for some jawbreakers. We don't know what's going on in his inbred little mind, any more than we know what's going on in W's. This arcane reference is meant to depict my attitude toward our national leadership, hence the avatar designation.